Violence against women and girls is widespread; one woman in three will experience violence during her lifetime, most often at the hands of someone she knows. Don’t crucify me about the title, I just wanted to get your attention, because if you are a woman, what you will read here, and what you do about it might help you. Of course women don’t want to be victims! A few years back, my Systema instructor organized a free self-defense seminar for women. I participated as a “bad guy.” Around twenty five women showed-up. The seminar was great, but you really can’t learn enough life saving skills in four hours.. Not one ever came back to class for training!
Amazing, considering the statistics: Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence. Conservative estimates indicate two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year. Every year approximately 132,000 women report that they have been victims of rape or attempted rape.
I know a woman who lives with her young child but would never lock her door, even at night. With a double murder two blocks away, I know that door is still left unlocked (she no longer lives alone). Yet, she shops for organic food and is a health-conscious mother. How can you conciliate the two?
The idea of violence is not a pleasant one. Women do not want to think about being assaulted, even if preparing themselves could potentially save their lives and the life of their children. The “It won’t happen to me,” “won’t happen here,” or “I’d just [insert kick-ass TV-kung-fu move here]” mentality prevails over reason. It is a great example of self-deception.
Being ready doesn’t mean becoming a Cynthia Rothrock or emulate Jennifer Lopez in “Enough”… Prevention and awareness is your best tool. By awareness, I don’t mean marching in the streets with a sign to end violence on women; that does as much as pissing in a violin. I mean awareness of your surroundings and listening to your intuition. I read an excellent book on the subject, see below:
Prevention is not enough. After all, it is a sad truth that women are most often attacked by people they know. If a boyfriend hits you, leave now, don’t hope it will never happen again, because it will, guaranteed. That first time though could be much more than a slap in the face. There is always the possibility of an unforeseen random act of violence, like a mugging, or rape attempt. Criminals attack women because they either do not resist or do not know how to resist. Even if they do, they lack the physical strength to do so. Strength can be replaced by skills. Unfortunately, there are a lot of martial arts out there that are not worth a dime for self defense. There are also good styles but bad teachers. I would suggest trying to find a school or style that emphasizes principles over form and techniques. Avoid styles that are too stiff in their movements or teachings, and promote violence or aggressiveness. Going nuts in a fight won’t help you. Emotions won’t help you. Also avoid styles that use excessive protections, have too many rules (like not hitting the face, etc.), or simply avoid contact. The style you choose must also consider multiple attackers, armed or not, and fighting on the ground as well as on your feet. If you see twelve-year-olds with a black belt, run! If they promise you a black belt next year, run! Actually, be suspicious of belts altogether. My favorites are, almost in order: Systema, Bujinkan, Penjak Silat, Kuntao, Kali, Wing Tsun, Aikido, Krav Maga, Boxing, and I am sure I am forgetting some. I would not suggest TaeKwonDo, traditional Karate, and other styles based on outdated forms of combat, geared towards competition or dancing, like Capoeira. Some combinations are good, like boxing and JiuJitsu for example. Shop around before you sign-up, and don’t bother spending time on martial arts forums on the web, there is nothing to learn from them. If you don’t have a good school nearby, get the DVD below and start a study group in your town (also available at russianmartialart.com):
Guns are the great equalizer. They instill fear in many women, but it does come from ignorance. I once accompanied a girlfriend to a gun store. Shee looked a different models and finally said: “I want something I’m not afraid of.” To which I replied “If you?e not afraid of it, a robber certainly won’t either.” The salesman laughed.. A gun is only a tool, an assembly of metal parts that alone, couldn’t hurt a fly. Contrary to the common misconception, guns don’t just “go off” they only time we hear of guns going off by themselves is in courtrooms. Sure, some dingy Saturday-night-special could have a defective safety, but modern guns are impervious to accidental discharge. Gun manufacturers have too much to lose in lawsuits to be casual about safety. If you decide to buy a gun, and I can only encourage you to do so, you have to consider a few things before you spend your hard earned money:
You will need training. Not just a few sessions at the range, but consistent training, at least two or three times a month, and start with a knowledgeable instructor. Learning gun safety will be your first objective. If you have kids, buy a safe! They make small ones that can be opened very quickly by a combination of finger-pressing. Then you should move on to shooting immobile targets at about fifteen feet. Gunfights rarely happen any further. Actually, most gunfights take place with the opponents only ten feet apart. You will then practice on moving targets, which is another ball game altogether. Finally, you should practice on moving targets while moving. Believe it or not, it is easy to miss ten feet away in those conditions, with the added stress of a real situation.
The most important aspect of your gun training however won’t be shooting, but gun handling. Bringing the gun into action, drawing, moving around with it, rolling, taking cover, reloading, gun retention, etc. Finding an good instructor for this is not easy. Even Law Enforcement Officers are often not trained properly with their weapon. Do not copy anything you see on television, most of the time, it’s awfully wrong.
The last, but very important aspect of owning a gun is to know the law. Study concealed carry laws in your state and self-defense laws, castle laws. If you shoot an attacker, DO NOT talk to police, even if you think it will clear you of any wrongdoing. Ask for an attorney right away. If you don’t know what gun to buy, get a Glock model 19. Don’t listen to anyone telling you not to get one…
There is great book by Massa Ayoob you should read:
Great post. I discovered Systema in my own city of Victoria this year and began training about 6 weeks ago with a student of Vladimir. I absolutely love it, and I would encourage anyone — male or female — to check it out if there is any opportunity near you. There are lots of people in the western world who would love to train in it but it`s still pretty rare. If you live in Toronto you are incredibly lucky — never thought I`d say that!
Systema is a profound, practical and surprisingly fun art. We have almost never done the same exercise or drill twice, even though I would gladly repeat any or all of them. I have more energy, I am more fit and I have more excitement in my life than at any time in the past. I count the days and minutes until systema class, and I have begun to work out at the gym in between classes, now that there seems to be a tangible point to getting fit (coping with systema!). I have three little daughters who are stoked to learn as soon as they are old enough. Systema chicks rock!
The thinking person`s martial art. Fantastic.
Hello Jenny,
Thank you for your comment. I have been training for more than four years, and I still get exited about going to class! Keep at it. In a few months, you’ll amaze yourself with the things you’ll come up with..
Gil.
you’ll be happy to know we lock our doors at night now.
Hello, great. You never know.. I am glad you lock it now. It is a small effort, and can save a lot of grief! I guess that it isn’t pleasant for us to think of others as potential “bad guys.” Especially when you or people around you are nice. Unfortunately they are around.. Congratulations on the new baby!
My instructor, Marc, started a women’s self defense class here in Sarasota, Wednesdays at 8am, 1795 Desoto Rd. See systemasarasota.com for more information.